Well, It’s Official

It’s official, folks! It wasn’t terrorism that killed 12 people, and injured 50 more in Berlin last night! It was… Are you ready?

Are you sure?

It was…

A TRUCK!

Yes, folks, according to ABC news, a truck killed twelve people. That’s it. Angela Merkel went to the site where a truck killed twelve people.

Don’t believe me?

Go check it out: https://twitter.com/ABC/status/811214742836551680?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

If you’re like me, and hate checking out links, or videos, the tweet reads:

“German Chancellor Angela Merkel lays flowers at the Berlin Christmas market where 12 people were killed by a truck.”

……

How were they killed by the truck, you ask? Well, they just sort of died! The truck was there, and it was moving, and the people were there, not moving… and maybe an Islamic refugee might have been involved, but really… It’s the people’s fault for celebrating Christmas with a market in public! Don’t they understand how offensive that is? Besides, you know, in Middle Eastern countries, it’s the pedestrians’ job to get out of the way of moving vehicles, no matter where they are. This was just another horrible example of how Westerners refuse to understand, and broaden their diversity horizons towards our Middle Eastern brothers and sisters!

What… Terrorism, you ask? Why would you jump to that?! Why would you assume he’s a terrorist?! Are you racist? Islamophobic?! Xenophobic? Oh, ISIS claimed credit… well, give me a minute… Aha! It’s because they were angry that we elected Donald Trump! It’s our fault for electing a racist, Islamophobic, xenophobic, sexist, serial rapist to the presidency…

Hey! Why are you rolling your eyes at me!? Why doesn’t anyone take the news seriously anymore?!

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